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| My dearest, I have not forgotten about you. See, I still remember the password! I spent some hours catching up and reminiscing about the 00-05 years with David. As usual. Haha. It's our favorite topic but we covered an array of other quality topics, too. I love telling the little story of how we met. "I have this one special friend. We met in Pre-K. We weren't good friends but that was when we met. Then we met again in 6th grade. And we fought like enemies on AIM. Dissing wars that went on forever. Then we became good friends in 7th grade. Good friends in the sense that.. we can bring up any topic in this world and we can both pitch in fairly thoughtful replies. We talked about life, family, friends, why people change, why we do this, why we do that. We didn't physically hang out much but we often had this strange habit of being online together on AIM. Especially during the AM hours. Then it was high school. Same high school. Different crowds. Still, we carried on conversations like the old times. Then college. Macaulay Honors vs FIT. Completely different schools and majors. And yet, nothing has changed the connection between us." I think it's amazing, really, how our friendship works. It's the rare platonic feeling you get when you've found someone who can comprehend and complement you so perfectly. We're always having these "Remember when..." conversations at 3AM or after. I guess we're both naturally night owls who like to do critical thinking when everyone else is sleep. -- I read through most of my old entries and I'm overly embarrassed at what I used to post on this blog. But I will not delete any of it. I will come back from time to time and remind myself to be grateful for having what I didn't have before. | | |
| 明明是愛得深 明明是傷得狠
Our love was clearly deep, our wounds were clearly painful
仍是要假裝 要扮作沒緣份
Yet you still had to put up a facade, still had to pretend we weren't meant to be
只可以強忍 只當沒發生
You strongly endure everything and pretend it all didn't happen
埋藏熱愛 逃避眼神的接近
You bury your raging love and avoid meeting my eyes
太狠心 太多苦苦犧牲
Too cold-hearted, too many bitter sacrifices
期望有一天我們會沒仇恨
We hope one day there will be no more hatred between us
輕輕挽你手 卻捉不到你手
I tug at your hand but I still can't grab a hold of you
李克勤 - 明明深愛著你
Translated by yours truly | | |
| We both noticed there was something wrong between us but we ignored it because we thought time would fix up whatever it was that wasn't clicking. It started with silent train rides where we struggled to find something to say to each other but we both just couldn't do it. As we got home and got on AIM, we IMed each other to fulfill our daily routine of online communication. After some updates about how the school day went, the conversation died once more. "Maybe we're just not in the mood to talk today, maybe tomorrow it'll be normal again." Day after day we looked forward to tomorrow, hoping tomorrow will bring back the old days but instead.. day after day, our bond fell looser and looser, our time together got quieter and quieter.. each tomorrow didn't fix anything.
And so gradually we drifted and slipped away from one another, we tried to save each other but we didn't try hard enough. We were like two survivors on a shaky piece of wood on a vast ocean, holding on to each other with our dear lives. Eventually, we grew tired.. being together became a burden instead of a bliss. Without a word, my arms left your shoulders and yours left mine. We stared at each other as we let the ocean waves carry us away from each other. No goodbyes were said; we simply could not believe it was happening. I remember reaching out my arms and murmuring something inaudible but you had already drifted out of my sight.
Without you, I was so lonely. You were the only one who knew how to reach me despite a complicated maze of emotions I create for the world. You were the only one who knew I was in pain even if I didn't show it. You were the only one who knew what I was going to say before I even said it. You were the only one who seemed to be able to calm me down when I was mad. You were the first and last person I'd go to whenever I'm happy, sad, glad or mad.
Three years later.. I don't know you anymore. You don't know me anymore. Maybe you didn't change at all, maybe only I've changed. Being next to you is like being next to any other person in the world. I no longer feel the special bond sparking between our two minds. You seem to have moved on and surrounded yourself with a new group of people, without me. You seem happy and I guess I'm glad.
Til this day, I haven't found another person like you. It pains me every time to realize that I've lost you and it brings tears to my eyes to realize things will never be like they were before.
I loved you, really and truly, deeply and painfully.
But I guess I just want you to be happy, with or without me.
--
I've got to stop crying. | | |
| The more you get, the more you want.
No amount of minutes, hours or days will be enough.
It's an addiction growing nonstop. | | |
| I'm always thinking about food nowadays. When I wake up I'm hungry, when I go to sleep I'm hungry. lmfao.. but when it comes to eating, I can only eat a small portion. I'll get hungry really quick though. Since I stopped going to PM school.. I don't think I'm gonna lose any more weight unless I starve and lose my soul again or something. Currently at 116! Still not skinny enough but it'll do for now.
The top two foods in my mind are ALWAYS Chipotle and sushi.
Yay.. vacation. Official vacation. LOL | | |
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